Updated: Jan 15
@BenEdsyGodard: "I'll marry where my heart finds a shelter".
How sweet , loads of people loved that response to my question:
"Do you think you will marry outside your culture? My people make marrying outside awkward but I don't think it's a big deal".
Some people just straight up responded "yeah" or "no". I see there's no convincing them, but some others had reasoning behind their responses which I feel many people can relate to. It was mentioned that in this day in age among the diaspora, it is rare that you will find anyone who says NO straight out.
When I put this question to Instagram [polls], the answer was resoundingly "yes", which contributes to this view that it is a rare thing for young Africans in the diaspora to be against marrying outside their culture [see results below].
@amisijeampy: "For those of us living in the diaspora a strong NO will be hard to find. But you never know".
@Wedontlovethem1: "Culture yes. Race...Hell no".
@artmyworldtome: " I don't mind it but it will have to be in the Black community".
@GuttaPapi: "Seriously dating outside your culture can be tricky. Y'all have to sit down & find out what each others cultural norms are & what y'all expect from each other".
@AngelLalo22: "I'm sure I will marry outside my culture. I've been in a serious relationship for a while with a half dutch, white dude".
@Rodenydias12: " It's not bad yaya but I see myself with a Congolais I mean we are the bomb like chemistry, food, etc."
@dxmss_: "I don't want to, but if I do then it is what it is [lol]"
@caix__: "Nope, they gotta be Congolese".
@ohbene_ "I definitely am! My life, my choice".
@kleobites: "Yes. Marrying outside my race? I highly highly highly doubt it".
@ndombologique: "At this point I have to marry outside my culture, either that or die alone which is oddly comforting lol".
@VIII_III_XCIII : "I understand why people choose to marry within their culture. But at the same time if the love of your life is outside of it then you are insane to overlook it because they aren't from your place of background".
@sialdn: "We have to have SOME similarities. If we don't then, nope".
@arlened_: "D'you know what if I met one I vibed with I would firm what my parents would have to say about it (they would be horrified, old school rivalries which I don't understand but it's legit their worst nightmare. Amongst us younger lot, its banter and I don't engage in such. But amongst the elders? My dad would collapse... Sorry, if the love of my life is from DRC that's a win for me because the culture is the same except tribes & they look delicious so... it's a win [lol]".
@TamiloreA_: " I don't think I will. But I'm definitely open to it, I find it strange that people in the western world are closed off to it because our "culture" is a mix of cultures as it is".
@Ayotalks2020: "I probably will, I don't see myself marrying in my culture".
@_BlackDalilah: "I'd rather not. But again... I don't want to limit my chances at finding love. I'm going to prioritise dating someone from my culture for sure. I have 2 kids with someone from another country and continent and baybeee the culture clash wasn't worth it. The upbringing they got was completely different. The way they saw and spoke to their parents is not the same as ours, there was little respect for parents and grandparents, even the way they speak to each other would never fly in my culture".
Children and Identity Crises
At some point in the debate, I stated that I think there are two sides to the marrying outside your culture thing. Especially when it comes to having kids.
On one hand children can suffer from major identity crises, on the other hand if you're mixing cultures, you can take the good from both and make greatness. No?
I think children play a huge factor in how people feel about marrying outside their culture.
Some responses to this point were:
@divinexo__ : "Identity crisis are very real especially for us 50% Congolese people".
@ilunga_243: My mum says not to and the main reason is children. She feels like the children 9/10 are more involved with the mothers side of the family. And in a situation where me and the mother aren't seeing eye to eye no more the children are likely to inherit the mothers culture... I hope I don't, but if I had to it would be with a Ghanaian, they're nice people".
@queenxelise: "It's all in the case of both parents being in touch with their identity / culture. If one isn't so much and isn't willing to implement in their children then they may lose out. I have found with a friend of mine that her sister has a child with a Jamaican, tell me if the child even knows anything Congolese... The child doesn't even know Lingala, not even food too tough. She has fully identified herself with her Caribbean side".
@karimahiman: "Identity crisis is REAL af, tired of being called out for not being "black enough".
@LordMvrs: "Cultural similarities are important to me".
@Fea_Rose92: Well when your a mixture of many cultures already, this comes quite easy, well in my case. P.S don't make culture run your life your an individual and what suits you should be how you want to live".
@Nyaa_x: "Hell yeah, unless I miraculously move to Australia and find myself one sweet Sudanese boy called Deng, you'll see me with a Caribbean man from South. My moms been knowing this from day one. I'm Sudanese and that's where most of the "good looking" guys live".
@Phil9431: "I'm open, all depends on who steals my heart and understands me in every aspect".
@AstarMusicUK: " I'm Congolese and I married a Nigerian woman. We've both embraced each others culture fully and it's a beautiful thing. She's proper Congolese now she loves our food, music, culture etc. Gotta follow what God wants for you regardless of opinions".
Some people @Desiree_O kindly extended this debate beyond twitter and asked members of their private story on Snapchat too, after sharing that she would marry from Ghana, Angola, Congo and Sierra Leone if she did not marry from her own culture, which is Nigerian.
Anon Snap Follower #1: "I think this is very narrow minded, like the love of your life could be from any culture. I understand it's cos you are Nigerian and you're comfortable but culture should not be a determining factor when you enter into a relationship imo. You'll even find that you don't even agree on many fundamentals values with most of the people you share a culture with".
Anon Snap Follower #2: "God forbid I marry a Nigerian or Jamaican man, I'm 100% marrying outside boi".
Anon Snap Follower #3: "Sierra Leone is a small country so chances are I will be marrying outside my country. I only know one millennial couple where both are Sierra Leone".
Anon Snap Follower #4: "I'm open minded, but I would much rather marry a Nigerian. There are so many parts of our culture that I love so much and I enjoy sharing that".
When I posed the same question on my own Snapchat story, there was mixed views:
Anon Snap Follower #5: " Naa I don't know, it's mad you're used to your culture".
@VGO__: "yeah, it's not that deep to me".
Anon Snap Follower #6: " Marrying outside in other cultures has only become popular with Africans in the last decade or so, but I think there's gonna be loads of mixed culture babies in the next decade, as for me, I am open and I defo don't think it's that deep to marry someone from my culture. But if it happens then I guess it's easier, I#m Nigerian btw..".
Anon Snap Follower #7: " I can't marry someone that is not Jamaican or Caribbean, my family would freak out".
Some people had very stronger views that seemed like nothing could really change their mind. Not suddenly falling in love, or outside influence that would make them stray.
@JxcinaLamina_: "If you asked me 2/3 years ago, I would've said there's a 90% chance I would. Now? 100% marrying within my culture. No ifs no buts about it. When you know what you want there's no hesitation".
@JsyMujula: "There's a time I thought I wouldn't but that's because I was drowning in negative views of my people. The more I knew about being Congolese & growing my pride for it, the more I felt that I can't be with someone who isn't".
@DaniellaaDawnn: "Nahhh I'm too Nigerian to marry anyone that isn't".
@15Swiss: "If she's from a difficult family it's not worth it".
I hope you enjoyed this post, thought it would be interesting to see what other people have to say about this topic especially fellow Africans. If you saw your @ name in the post, thanks for taking part!
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